ex-es (part 2)

assalamualaikum...

today mah nk cte sal ex-es...xkn korunk xde kot sebarang 2 or 3 or bpuluh2 hahaha..unless korunk xpnah kapel b4 ney 2 mah bg exception laa...pe yg mah nk cte kt sney pe yg mah rse n pe yg mah simpan slame ney..pas puas pk mah rse da smpai masenye mah lupakn cte lame n move on...smpai bler mah nk terikat ngan cte n kenangan lame...IAO told me i shud let them go so i can move on, b happy n live my life..i guess he was ryte..smpai bler mah nk hidup cmney..hidup dlm kenangan..dah sah2 mnda xdpt nk putar balik ryte??..especelly when we talked about AF..dlm rmai2 yg plg payah mah nk lupe si AF ney laa...npe?? cmne mah xssh nk lpe kt dye..mah membsar same2 ngan dye..mah knal dye dr kcik n xde pape smpai skunk...mcm2 mah harung ngan dye..syng xpayah cte la..tuhan je yg taw..mah xknal dye setaun dua mah knal dye 8 taun..8 taun 2 bkn 1 period yg pndek okie??? klu kteorng kawen da de anak dua gaknye...ssh sng mah dgn dye..he taught me a lot of things..i MEANT it...he taught me about happiness, he taught me about trying harder to get what u want, he taught me about sadness, he taught me about sacrifices, he taught me about being a coward, he taught me about reality behind every dream n also he taught me about pain..da most painful pain...there are time when u said to urself ' OMGeee...he's totally mine n his gonna b my husband sumday! '...but no matter how high u try to fly once the lightning strikes you, you will fall..fall hard enough till you to broken up to get up again...2la pe yg mah experience taun ney..mah xnah cte cz mah bkn jnis yg lepaskn pe yg mah rse..mah lebih suka simpan smpai 1 tahap mah sakit sndri...pe prasaan korunk bler orng yg korunk plg syng, orng yg korunk trust, orng yg korunk respect, orng yg meant everything tok korunk betray korunk sikit2 smpai mnda 2 terbongkar sndri...pe korunk rse??..ko muzty rse tertipu ryte? korunk muzty rse yg dye xnah value korunk, korunk rse korunk ney xde nilai n korunk rse pe yg korunk de slame ney sumenye FAKE tol x??..dats wut i felt when AF betrayed me..stabbed me in my back..attack me slowly till the agony is unbearable...slow2 mah try bgun..tpy mah jtuh blik..mah bgun..mah jtuh ag...pe yg jdy too painful bg mah smpai tahap mah rse mah xmampu nk bernafas ag..skit n berat sgt rsenye chest mah...dlm journey of recovery 2 jgak mah jmpe mcm2 orng..mah try haf relationship len tpy sume xberjaye...mah still xley lpekn AF...mah still dlm bayang2 AF...still caged and chained to my past memories...mah xley accept pe yg dye wt kt mah...its too brutal...tooooo painful...mah keep wondering why he being such a chicken n didnt haf a courage to face me n tell the truth...i wan 2 hear da truth from his fucking mouth...mah pgg taught 2 smpai mah develop another feelings which is anger n grudge..IAO told mah..no matter how hurt it is i haf 2 let him go, let da anger go...there's no point 2 keep it anymore cz all i will feel is nothing but heartache..bler nye mah nk epie klu cm2 ryte?..if i let everything go..i might as well b happy like i deserved to be ryte?..so now i've decided it's time tok mah change n move on..let AF live his own life, let him b happy with the bitch dat he choose, let him b da chicken he choose 2 be..let him carried wut he did towards me in da past on his shoulder as a life experience...cz i shouldn't care bout him anymore..he is nothing but THE PAST...

Ya Allah...
dear God...
pliss hear my prayer..let me live my life with peace and happiness without even remembering about da past anymore...teach me how to appreciated what i have in front of me instead of looking at my past..show me who is da right one for me n dun let anything come in between us...open my heart to love him as much as i can but never let me love him more than i love you dear God...open my eyes to see people around me dat never getting tired of supporting me and give me hope to live..strengthen my faith towards you n make me believed dat everything happens for a reason n it happens because u were trying to test me because you loved me more than anyone can love me dear mighty..protect me from any harm..protect people around me, protect da person dat i love..thank you for everything Ya Allah..may u always by my side dear mighty...
amin....

ex-es..

NH
sorie for a very short period of relationship..yes we used to be together a long time ago b4 i met AF but as u said to me we were a child back then..we don't even noe wut love is..it just a puppy love dat happen to everybody..bt no matter how i turned, u were btter off as my friend than a boyfriend..but its your rights either  you want to be friends with me or not..but never forget..all i did is da best for both sides..not only me bt also for you..i prayed for your happiness...live a happy life..InsyaAllah u will find your happiness..amin..thanks for everything..

AF
yes ofcz i hate you..i hate you so much dat i wan you 2 die..i hate you so much asshole!...but i didnt hate you enough till i cant forgive you..yes i forgive you...all da pain n agony dat u gave me, i let them go n so did you..it is time for me to let you go along with the past memories and all of da pain...you choose your partner...n its time for me to choose mine...im not a better person for you n you definitely not a better one for me either...live your life happily with her..laugh..cry..do everything with her..i dont give a damn anymore..wut enough is enough...too many tears i cried for you, to many scream i screamed for you, too many pain i suffered bcz of you...its time for me to be free from your shadows..its time for me to be happy as much as you are now or even happier who knows ryte??..thanks for everything..i meant it...thanks for da happy moments..thanks for the pains..its a life experienced dat i learned from you...all da best for you..may God blessed you with a happy life and a perfect soulmate..amin

AA
sorie for everything..i guess i hurt u more than i think i did..be strong i know u're a strong will person even you didnt think you are..work harder to achieved your goals..appreciated people around you especely your father no matter how he treats you...no matter what he is your father..take a good care of your mother..live for her..love with just..i"ll prayed dat you will find a great happiness soon..may God blessed you..thanks for everything for 5 months we were together..all the best...insyaAllah..amin..

to you...

Dear IAO,
thanks for everything dear..thanks for always be by my side n never give up on me..i know im being a titanium-headed [stubborn] sometimes but i never take your advice for granted..like you said it takes time..time will healed me completely along together with you...thanks for making me realised that i do deserved to be happy n live my life to da fullest...im glad i choose you..thanks for loving me dear..i prayed everyday that what we haf will last n nothing that we cant handle come in between us..insyaAllah amin...i love you...n soon da day will come..da day dat i will say ' i love you more than you do' :))

potpetpotpet miera aznin

messy freak